Monday, January 01, 2007

Holy Macaroni Batman!


Happy New Year everyone! I am going to tell you about last night.....you will think I am exaggerating, but I am not.
Now see, Goa becomes an insane asylime (heh) this time of year, so the streets and beaches are filled with cops. The streets become packed with partying people and it just gets crazier and crazier until it is just not safe out there.
So, our hotel has a party every year around the pool, and we decided this was our best option. We had met a very nice English couple and their son, Simon, and so we invited them to join us at our lonely table. You know how it is when you get to a party, where you dont know anyone, and you scan the room desperately looking for someone to talk to....so when Simon and his parents came down to the party, we snatched them right up and brought them to our table. We had a wonderful buffet style Indian dinner...was so delicious...and the funniest thing was that they had arranged a bunch of banana stalks and leaves in the center of the table, standing up, and toothpicked giants prawns all over it for our dining enjoyment. No no not me...I never eat seafood! But I did enjoy this lovely vision, the Prawn Tree!
Ok so thankfully the alcohol began flowing and people started to have a little fun. Now the center of attention was this group of young Russian women, dressed in all sorts of Saturday Night Feverish slinkies...can you say GAUDY? But at least, they kicked off the dancing, and someone always has to be first right?
Now I drank so much whiskey last night that I just can't believe it! I think it's the most I have ever drank in one night....too fun! One of the fun things about this party was that all the boys and waiters and hotel managers joined us for the dancing and fun! And, you have to understand, men outnumbered women about 15-1...was I a dancing queen? You betcha!
I don't know what it was, but maybe it was my quick little dancing self, I was not groped pinched or otherwise the entire night...my poor madam Karen was not so fortunate.....I told her, "dance faster madam!" LOL
So at one point, and I kid you not, I am dancing with 15 Indian boys and one married Indian lady while her husband watched. It was totally fun, and like I said, keep moving madam, keep moving! How many times can a barefoot little mistress be spun around a dance floor before the room spins? I lost count!
Now that was just insane!
At some point in the evening, we misplaced the key for the cabinet that we had locked our valuables in in our room. We began a serious discussion on hacksaw aquisition, since key did not turn up. However, in the course of the night, we had returned to us, two pieces of jewelry that had fallen off of us during the mad dancing frenzy!
OK then at midnight, we were given giant Indian sparklers for the women only. Now I will tell you this, and dont you ever forget it, dont ever play with giant Indian sparklers while you are bare footed! I've got blisters to prove this....not to mention the fact that a spark landed in my hair, and I kid you not, I was hopping around on burned little feet, while at same time, trying to put out the fire in my hair...You think Im kidding dont you? Go ask Karen......she saw it all....I have more than one witness to this hair fire should you still not believe me! (OK but I have lots of hair so you can hardly notice the singed scalp! :P)
After the hair fire I danced some more! Crazy drunk Indian waiters swirling around doing their best Bollywood dance moves.
I think it is safe to say, that Karen and I were simply the life of the party! How can you go to a party and sit there all night on your ass? No you simply cannot!
Ok then, slowly slowly people started leaving the party until there was but a handful of us left.
Simon and Karen and I were going to venture out into the streets when an English couple told us of the groping and pinching and robbing going on out there...absolute madness. They practically begged us not to go...so we stayed, out came the vodka...and always, not far behind the vodka came two very very drunk Russian young ladies.
Out came Karens mothering instincts as she started making them drink lots of water. They were so drunk they were blabbering in Russian to us, although the onyl Russian word I know is VODKA!
Then I became the mom too, as these girls clothes were literally falling off. Now how many times have you Lime, or you Logo, or Snavs, seen a young girl in their low cut jeans with their butt hanging out and wanted to go over and pull up their pants? I lost count a long time ago on that one, but last night, I finally had to do that! Besides pulling up their teeny minskirts for them, we also had to remind them that they were showing their down unders as well, thank goodness they were not doing the Brittney last night! I think we also might have had to pull one of their tops up a few times, and her assets were clearly visible. Funny how you become all protective of vulnerable young women when you get in that position.
Anyway, we attempted to chat with them, but it was just impossible. Simon, Karen and I just sat back and watched them blabber on, while administering waters.
I guess it was about 4 am when we decided to call it quits, and felt we must walk these two Russian girls to their rooms. So the semi sober trio of Karen Susie and Simon got these girls into their rooms safelty, or so we thought.
On the way up to the room, I saw a very drunk Indian man sitting in his room with his door open, his key dangling from the lock, clearly he was unaware of anything other than his spinning head. So, being in mother mode, I took the key out and brought it into his room, handed it to him, and told him to lock his door, which I then shut behind me. I'll betcha he didnt lock it..as his 45 degree lean showed me he was clearly not all there at that point!
OK so we get to our room, and start frantically looking for the other copy of the lost key, which we thought surely was locked inside the locked closet. But hurray, I had not locked it in, it was in my backpack by the TV! Yay! Inside cabinet we found madam Karens very fancy camera safe and sound..and all was well, but then we heard screaming from the Russian girls rooms down the hall.
Mother Mode! Karen, lets go! And we ran down the hallway to their room and it sounded like they were having a cat fight! So, we pounded on the door until they let us in...and out came the drunker of the two, wrapped only in a bedsheet, still totally wasted and slumped in the hallway screaming stuff in Russian that only her friend understood. Of course a naked little Russian girl in the hallway at 4:30 am caused quite a scene, and soon half the hotel staff was there as well. But you know, we felt we needed to handle this, because imagine if these two girls had gotten arrested by Indian cops, or tossed out of the hotel in the middle of the night with drunk crazy people wandering the streets. Karen and I stayed with them and tried to find the drunk one some clothes, all she had was that little minskirt and tiny top so she was better off in the sheet.
SO we got em back into the room, and went to our room, and the screaming started again.
Mother Mode! Karen, let's go again! This time I brought one of my tshirts to put on the drunk Russian girl but she was locked in the bathroom screaming.
We told them, stay in your room and dont come out and lock the door, but apparently the really drunk one tried to leave a few times in the night and thankfully our hotel security guards talked her into staying until it became light out. I seriously dont think she would have made it had she gone out into that drunken crowd in that little outfit...
Ok whew! Still with me?
So then, there's this empty field by our hotel where kids play cricket, and it had become a parking lot for the night.....now there were thousands of people with no hotel rooms just sleeping in their cars, or playing cards on a mat on the ground, or just chatting while waiting for daybreak. The moon was setting over the Arabian Sea as we watched more crazy madness from our balcony. FInally we fell asleep near 5 am, only to be awakened by the workers downstairs at 7:30 am, loading a truck with chairs and tables from the party. Oh lucky me, the truck parked right below my balcony, so I guess 2 1/2 hours of sleep was all I was gonna get last night..erm this morning.
It really happened folks, Im not making it up. I just wanna know one thing? Who drank all my whiskey? I'm sure it wasn't me!

Happy New Year to all of you, and especially to my Little Rita and Mister Ratburn!
We have one more day and night in Goa and then we are off to Delhi, Agra and the Taj Mahal!
YYYYYYYYYYY

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great job summarizing our evening Susie! And yes your hair really was on fire at one point!

lime said...

so you8 caught your hair on fire?? ok, were youtrying to impersonate michael jackson before he became a white woman? LOL i kil me.

and yes i lost count at how many times i have wanted to go jerk up on the beltloops of some girl with her ass hanging out. those girls are lucky you and karen were looking out for them.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like whisky-a-go-go! I'm glad you had a safe and some what sane New Year's Eve. When I see skinny little girls in hip huggers too low, yes I want to pull them up, but I also want to force feed them a banana split! I think we mother the vulnerable, because we'd want someone watching out for us if it was us in their shoes (sheets?). Another fantastic adventure shared. Thank you and Happy New Year!

Logophile said...

Happy New Year, Susie!
I ended up taking some benedryl because of my friend's cat and I was out like a light by 10 or so
:P

jillie said...

OMG....what a hilarious story that is!! I can only imagine what all the madness going on. What a fun memory or should I say funny....hahahahaha!
Happy New Year to you!

Anonymous said...

oh god, i'd LOVE to help those young Russian ladies with their beltloops, having met a few in the past...woo, and indeed, hoo...!!! hee hee...i must try to get out there and check em out for myself...!!!

my 'senora' flew back to Spain this evening after too short a stay here...but we had a lovely new year thank you very much...(^_^)...soon xxx

mr ratburn said...

party on!! happy new years to you too..of course mine was a bit different in orlando, but still fun. see you soon
g & h

Anonymous said...

hehehehheehhe

YOU ARE SO FUN!!

I wanna play with you. We would probably both end up maimed though ;)

You are so festive and cute Nesbitt!!!!!!! Just blame Ratburn.

LOL!

CozyMama said...

dang what a night!!!! happy 2007

BTExpress said...

Half naked Russian chicks and you left the camera in the room? How could you?!

Perdante said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR y0

Breazy said...

Sounds like you are having a blast! What was the Russian girl screaming about btw? Have fun on the rest of your trip !

Anonymous said...

oh hun everything sounds wonderful!!!!

i'm so happy for you and all your cool adventures thus far...

have a blast,..

oh and brother man said thank you : )

Anonymous said...

I have read about Goa before. That place is world famous. Sort of like the New Orleans of India I guess. I cant wait to see what you are going to do next. I love these India posts of yours.

Stephanie said...

Wow!! Way more fun and excitement and stuff than me...

Happy new year Susie Q!!

xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hmm... I see you have a VAT69 label out there.. hint, hint...>> who taught you to like whiskey? :p
Anyways, glad you had a good time..

Anonymous said...

Susie-Q, I guess no news, is good news, right? Are you still recooperating from your night with the drunken ruskies? I hope all is marvelous and we get a new update from you soon. I'm off to the desert to see my gal pal Tonia. I'll be back on Saturday and hope to see a new installment in the adventures of Karen & The Boss when I return. After a while crocodile!