One Womans Tale of Woe

This came from my cousin. I dont know if this happened to her, or what, but, Im sticking to shaving, thank you!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises ofeasy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair andnow...the wax.My night began as anyother normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. Ithen had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the nextfew hours: " Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax " kits.No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enoughto figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out.Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbingthem together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heatit to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!) I lay the strip acrossmy thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so itwasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hairremoval no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward bodyhair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip Imove north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom,for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties andplace one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the waxstrip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right halfof my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes,it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!I 'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MYGOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed topull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stayconscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back tonormal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that hascaused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want torevel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up thestrip!There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? SlowlyI ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive partof my body, whichis now covered in cold wax and matted hair.Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to dosomething. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming ofa cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walkaround the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself" Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off! " Whatcan I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll runthe hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse thewax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotterthan that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgicalequipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your netherregions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued tothe bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way,doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub asthough I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the manwho had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in thebathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed beforeand has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very goodconversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to thebottom of the tub! "There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removalbut she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to knowexactly where the wax is located, " Are we talking cheeks or hole orwho-ha? " She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give herthe rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. Whilewe go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off witha razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies coveredin hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and thendry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working,dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to needPost-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is stilltalking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion theygive you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose atthis point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of myfriend.It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! " Iget a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. Isuccessfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to mygrief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.Next week I'm going to try hair color......