Happy Birthday to.......

Far be it from me to waste an HNT Thursday on my birthday! Yes, my birthday is tomorrow, December 1st! No, no! Thursday must be all about HNT for this comment whore. So I thought I'd combine Joke Wednesday with my birthday celebration post! Did you know that I also share my birthday with these three clowns?































Happy Birthday Bette, Richard, Woody, and um, well, me! (PS Im much younger than all three of them!)

It's Tori Tuesday!





















Maynard, from Tool, and Tori performing
Muhammad my friend at Madison Square Garden, January 23, 1997
"Maynard is... well, first of all he makes the greatest cookies I've ever had. And Maynard's so wonderful. He just really is. And he's a good buddy, so I called him up. Maynard's got a lot of interesting ideas about many things."


Muhammad, my friend
it's time to tell the world
we both know it was a girl
back in bethlehem
and on that fateful day
when she was crucified
she wore shiseido red
and we drank tea
by her side
sweet sweet
used to be so sweet to me
muhammad my friend
i'm getting very scared
teach me how to love my brothers
who don't know the law
and what about the deal on that flying
trapeze got a peanut butter hand
but honey do drop in at the
dew drop inn
sweet sweet
between the boys and the bees
and moses i know
i know you've seen fire
but you've never seen fire
until you've seen pele blow
and i've never seen light
but i sure have seen gold
and gladys save a place for me
on your grapevine
till i get my own tv show
ashre ashre ashre ashre
and if i lose my cracker jacks at the
tidal wave i got a place
in the pope's rubber robe
muhammed my friend
it's time to tell the world
we both know it was a girl
back in Bethlehem, we both know it was a girl,
back in Bethlehem

Me Me Monday

It's all about me, so deal with it!





I am learning to do woodworking. Here is a footstool that I made in woodshop class. I used leftover 2 x 12's. It's so sturdy an elephant could stand on it!






















After looking for years for a shoe rack that could hold the shoe collection of this family, I decided to make my own. This rack has about 40 pair of shoes on it! Even Imelda would like it, I think! We didn't wanna risk losing the shoe rack in our house, so we painted it Sour Apple Green! Woo hoo! Don't worry kids, it's
fastened to the wall...go ahead and climb on it, it wont fall!



















This is a little cabinet that holds mail and stamps etc. It has over 40 router cuts on it. The project was supposed to get you really familiar with the router, setting the bits, adjusting the size of the cuts, getting to know that router like the back of your own hand. All it did for me was make me hate that fricking router, and leave me more confused than when I started. The cabinet is useful though!




















So there you have it, this semesters projects....if you dont count the really bad attempts at using a lathe to make candle holder shaped thingies. I ended up with more wood chips down my bra than were on the floor.....icky! Notice I'm not showing the candle holder shaped wood thingies?

Favorite Photo of the Weekend......

Hope you are all having a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend, and that Aunt Mable didn't burn the pies again!


Little Rita, Becca and Coco

OCTOBER 2005

HAPPY THANKSGIVING HNT!

"Oh man, HNT and Thanksgiving on the same day? What ever will I do? I still have to make pies! I really just don't have time for HNT, but, gee, I'm such a comment whore....I NEED my HNT comments! Whoa, Mr Ratburn, what are you doing with that camera? HEY!!! Not now, I'm making pie!"

"Ohhhhh! Ok...this'll just have to do!"




"Sheesh mom, can't you see i'm busy here! I don't have time for this HNT business!"

Wednesday---Joke day!

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

A:One! ONLY ONE!!!!
And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!

I'm sorry.... What was the question?

(PS This blogger is NOT having menopause yet!)


Subject: Request for a Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge headfirst into everything I do
I do not get weekends or holidays off
I work in a damp environment,
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,

The Penis


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work eight hours straight
You fall asleep after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations
You do not take initiative
You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You will retire well before you are 65
You are unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task
and if that is not enough,
You are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags

Sincerely,
The Management

A Little Bit Shocking Tori Tuesday




Ack Tori! It's, it's a... a... a...piglet!? Holy cow, er pig, what was she thinking?
It's her mother and child thing, of course....This photo is on the inner liner of Boys For Pele, which I highly recommend. It's such a masterpiece!
LOL, sometimes I think that I'm not doing such a good job of turning my 5 loyal readers onto Tori. But then, I realized, either you will love Tori, or you will think she's just too fucking wierd, piglet or no piglet.

Todays lyrics are a funny song about one waitress wanting to kill another. It's one of Tori's earlier tunes...more crazy lyrics...enjoy!!

So I want to kill this waitress
She's worked here a year longer than I
If I did it fast
You know that's an act of kindness
But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace
I want to kill this waitress
I can't believe this violence in mind
And is her power
All in her club sandwich
but I believe in Peace
I believe in Peace bitch
I believe in Peace
I want to kill this killing wish
They're too many stars
And not enough sky
Boys all think she's living kindness
Ask a fellow waitress
Ask a fellow waitress

This blogger is currently unavailable due to certain circumstances otherwise occupying her time.

Favorite Picture of The Weekend

The Banana Lady

This woman sells cigarettes, chew and bananas on Racecourse Road in Bangalore. I passed by her everyday on the way to the Internet Cafe. She was always smiling, and I thought she was beautiful. Then one day, I stopped to chat with her. Guess what? She only speaks Kannada, the language of Karnataka. But, she patted the ground beside her, so I sat down next to her. I showed her my camera and she smiled. I took about 20 pictures of her. I poked through her little baskets of stuff, and asked the men standing around us, what it was. They motioned to their mouths, and I realized it was flavored tobacco. (I thought it was candy) She offered me some chew LOL! I said no thank you, then she gave me a banana.....So, there we were, two women, sitting side by side, not able to speak a word to each other, but sharing the same space, and well, I guess, a language of friendship. All the men standing around us, thought it was hilarious that I, American woman traveler, would sit down in the dirt next to this banana seller. I really thought she was terrific!
She has been working at this spot for at least the three years that I have been to Bangalore, and well, I'll just bet she'll still be there when I go back next December!

Stuff Portrait Kitty Cat Friday- The Past, Present and Future

I chose to do my Stuff Portrait Friday on past, present and future kitties!

This is Coco. She was my cat for 17 years. She had 5 inch long hair! In the summer, we had to shave her tummy because it was all natty dreads. Coco was also allergic to all sorts of stuff, thats why her bottom lip is fat. Oh man, I loved her....17 years is a good, long life for a cat! To spend a large part of your adult life with one cat, that is really special. Sheesh, that makes me feel old!

Most of you have already met Oaty! She represents the present! When Coco died, we said we'd not get a cat until we no longer had a dog, (who occasionally will attempt to make dog food out of a cat, eek!) We lasted 5 weeks without a cat. How could anyone resist Oaty? Sheesh, what a sweetheart she is! Her entire name, given to her by Little Rita? Cleopatra Cleo Ohhh Oatmeal Oaty Clark Clarice Byron...there are probably more names that I dont know about....anyway, I just call her Oaty.

And finally, the future I have represented by the little kitties you see here, which means, I will always have kitties. One day, I want to have a litter of kitties to take care of. How could anyone resist?

HAPPY TATTOO HNT!!!



Why grapes? I live in wine country, that's why! Happy HNT!

Comix Just For You!

For Idiot, BS and Thomcat!











For Lime and Snavs.











For Ariella and her AF.

Tori Tuesday

Tori's back!

Did you know that Tori has written a book? Check it out!

An intimate, eye-opening look inside the life of one of the most unique and adored performers of contemporary rock music.
From her critically acclaimed 1992 debut, Little Earthquakes, to the recent hit, Scarlet’s Walk, Tori Amos has been a formidable force in contemporary music, with one of the most dedicated fan bases in the industry.
In Tori Amos: Piece by Piece, the singer herself takes readers beyond the mere facts, explaining the specifics of her creative process—how her songs go from ideas and melodies to recordings and passionately performed concert pieces. Written with acclaimed music journalist Ann Powers, Tori Amos: Piece by Piece is a firsthand account of the most intricate and intimate details of Amos’s life as both a private individual and a very public performing musician. In passionate and informative prose, Amos explains how her songs come to her and how she records and then performs them for audiences everywhere, all the while connecting with listeners across the world and maintaining her own family life (which includes raising a young daughter). But it is also much more, a verbal collage made by two strong female voices—and the voices of those closest to Amos—that calls upon genealogy, myth, and folklore to express Amos’s unique and fascinating personal history. In short, we see the pieces that make up—as Amos herself puts it—“the woman we call Tori.”

And another review:

A CONVERSATION BETWEEN MATT AND MATTHEW: As I told my old college roommate, the guy whose 40-or-50-plus collection of Tori Amos albums, singles, and imports intimidated me from listening to any of her music on my own until he moved out, at which time she quickly became the female singer/songwriter whose music I listened to the most, as I myself accumulated a 20-plus collection of Tori Amos detritus but continued to believe she peaked with the prescient Little Earthquakes – as I told him, I almost put down Piece by Piece after the second chapter never to pick it up again, already having read my fill of the type of mythological, spiritual, psychological, sexual, etc. mumbo jumbo her detractors have always dismissed her for believing, because I was enjoying Tori Amos’ and/or Ann Powers’ occasionally meandering prose (which was not as hard to read as this paragraph, probably) about as much as I enjoyed listening to her increasingly meandering late-career albums, which never have been bad but have been very long and never as poetic as, say, “Silent All These Years.” (“But what if I’m a mermaid with these jeans of his with her name still on it?” she sang.)
I almost stopped reading, because I wanted Amos to be in print what she never was in music: straightforward.
When I picked up the book again, I discovered what I always discover in Amos’ songs: art that only seems complicated on its surface, art that is accessible if I dare to meet it halfway. Admittedly, meeting Amos’ mélange of Native American, Greek, Christian, Freudian, etc. stories, myths, tenets, dreams, etc. halfway is difficult – hence, despite its practical advice-giving chapters about how to be a songwriter and survive in the music industry, Piece by Piece would be an impossible read for anyone not already versed in the Book of Amos.
But, for Amos’ adherents, this Portrait of the Artist: Her Thoughts. Her Conversations. (the book’s subtitle) provides more insight into Amos’ creative process – if not Amos, and creativity, themselves – than anything heretofore published. Although Amos discusses her upbringing as a preacher’s daughter, the book is not an autobiography. Although Amos stops the narrative to discuss specific songs, the book is not a VH1 Storytellers transcript. (And, if you don’t own The Beekeeper, the explanations of most of the songs won’t mean anything to you.)
The book, really, is about Amos’s creative process: the lore from which she draws inspiration, the husband and daughter who inspire her as well. This Portrait… is a portrait of one artist as a middle-aged woman, reflecting, in different chapters, upon the composition, collaboration, and performance of her art.
The writing style, as befits its blend of voices, at times ranges from embarrassingly chatty to dryly critical. Again, a fascination with Amos, coupled with a tolerance for independent scholarship, helps a reader slog through Powers’ paragraph-long attempts to synthesize a lifetime of self-exploration, like she does here:
“The leap came with Boys for Pele, a head-to-head encounter with the dismembered feminine. The claustrophobic, clear sound of that album reflects the moment when Amos stood at the lip of her own volcano and made a sacrifice of her illusions. … She also met a male essence that she’d been chasing, and avoiding, for years: the Dark Prince, the other muse for the fiery efforts of this period.” (85-86)
This kind of writing is either mysterious yet revealing, or else it’s fanciful and more than a little bit off-putting, depending on how much you love Amos that day.
But, what surprised me the most about the book, after I resumed reading it, is how much more it made me appreciate Amos. Learning how she wants the rhythms in her new music to reflect her own rhythms (a poor synopsis of the idea that comes the closest to what someone might call the book’s plot) made me want to run out to the store immediately to buy The Beekeeper and then run back home to immerse myself in it and learn from it – even though I haven’t yet.
Why not? Because, just as I didn’t love Piece by Piece, The Beekeeper sounds like something I’ll merely appreciate.
My old roommate and I – who I saw recently for the first time in what, four years? – now agree, I think, about Tori Amos: We want something different, and probably more, from her than she can give anymore. And it’s not fair of us to demand this, or anything, from the artist. It’s sad. Our lives have changed – but not along with Tori Amos’. And not even Piece by Piece, which accomplished its own aims so resoundingly, can rekindle our anticipation for those new Tori Amos songs that we fear will be good but will not quite speak to us like her earlier masterpieces did.
Piece by Piece, then, becomes a portrait of an artist we loved as young men and still remember fondly now that we’re a little older.
I’m really in the mood to hear Boys for Pele now.

My own review: In a nutshell, this book is totally far out, and will leave you knowing a lot more, or nothing more, about Tori than you ever have before!

Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays......

Ohhhhhhhhh, I just can't get up this morning and get myself over to Ariella's blog and do my guest thing....I think I am gonna have to quit that job....and anyway, she pays me in dog kibble! Ewww!

Personally, I like Mondays because everyone has gone back to school or work and I have the entire house to myself to work, putz, do projects! Tell me why you don't or do like Mondays!

My turn to Me Me from Lime.....

There's a spate of taciturn behavior lately.
Susie got this meme, but was feeling taciturn.
Not to mention she's busy; painting and preparing for a night of glitziness.
Preparing for glitz after a day of painting can be exhausting.
So here I am.
I am helping.
Speaking for the taciturn isn't easy, you know.
In fact, I think it is contagious.
I am feeling taciturn too now.
Much too taciturn to continue the tag.

Thanks, Miss Taciturn! I tag Mr Ratburn and Fortress Guinness. Both very unlikely to cooperate.......

Happy Stuff Portrait Friday!

The last thing I bought myself! Ok, I bought it for that GLITZY affair tomorrow night! I know I'm gonna look hot, so there!


I do all the shopping in this house, I even buy my own birthday presents because I like it that way, but Mr Ratburn was so kind as to purchase this Dr Pepper for me! What a guy!


Well, what a coincidence (how the hell do you spell that word?) Little Rita just happened to design her own wallet yesterday, complete with "Cridit" Card, money, a little book, and "Canday" Card! I think her wallet is a lot more interesting than mine, don't you?

ACCCKKK!!!
BIRD FLU HITS SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!

:

:

:

:
Keep scrolling!
:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

HAPPY HNT!

Get nekkid with us!



TIPTOE THROUGH THE TULIPS WITH ME!!!

Beware Of All Endeavors That Require New Clothes - -


Henry David Thoreau


I am a very casual dresser. People know that about me. I don't shop at the mall. I like old jeans, indian kurtas, tie dyes, overalls, sarees and hippie girl skirts. I bathe every day and don't smell funny!

So, we are invited to a birthday party for a friend that is turning 50. It's a fancy party. Now obviously, I am not going to that party in ripped up jeans and a tie dye, I am NOT a moron!

Yesterday, as I was picking up Little Rita from school, the birthday girl, who is a teacher at that school, walks by. She said "hi, how are you, what have you been up to?, etc, etc" I returned greetings. Then I notice her eyes making a complete body scan of Susie's army pants, orange t-shirt, red flannel and turquoise socks. Body Scan completed AND THEN, she
says to me, "You'd better dress up for my party, because it's gonna be glitzy." GLITZY!!!

After I picked my jaw up off of the ground, I composed myself and smiled back. Mind you, I have known this woman for 11 years, in fact, I was her teachers aide for two years. Never once did I show up for school in ripped jeans, tie dyes, overalls or a saree. Ok well, I have worn hippie skirts and Indian kurtas to work!

But, did she really think I was going to come to her GLITZY party in my hippie attire? Oh man, that really just pissed me off that she would think that about me. So, being that i'm a bit pissed, I'm considering not going to her party, and withholding her two, handmade by me, imported silk dupioni pillows, which will, no doubt, be the crowning gift of her party since I am so damn talented and really do have excellent taste, despite my tendency to dress like a hobo.

Well, after about two hours playing fashion show with Mr Ratburn and Little Rita, I have 6 options. Of course, I also ran this issue by my sister, who told me I will NOT dare wear a saree to this party OR a dress with pants underneath, even if they are silk, and I WILL "post photos of my choices on this blog so she can decide for me" HAH!

Another blogger friend of ours also heard my social/fashion moans and groans, and has assured me that I will look just fine in either saree, salwar, or really special handmade indian block print column "gown" (Ok, long spaghetti strap dress) Ok, even if she has to have her sister dress her, I am trusting her opinion.

So, if you've made it through this rant, you will understand the posted photos and quote, above. Now, I have to go jump into my overalls and tie dye and get to work! Thanks for listening!

TORI TUESDAY!

Acckk!
Tori with her first band Y Kant Tori Read? Eeeek! What's up with the hair? Oh yeah, I remember now....the 80's!































Tori now, thank goodness! What a doll!


Stuff you need to know about Tori~

Tori's birth name is Myra Ellen Amos.
She was born in North Carolina and raised in Maryland.
Tori's father is a Methodist preacher.
She began playing piano at the age of two, and began performing in her church choir at age 4.
She was awarded a scholarship to Baltimore's Peabody Conservatory.
Her first release, a complete flop, was called Y Kant Tori Read.
Tori is married to a brit named Mark, lives in Cornwall, England, and has one daughter named Natasha.
Tori calls her fans Ears With Feet, aka EWF's.
Her lyrics are sometimes totally so crazy that noone can figure out what the heck she's talking about! (see below)

Mr. Zebra

Hello Mr. Zebra
Can I have your sweater
cause it's cold cold cold
in my hole hole hole
Ratatouille Strychnine
Sometimes she's a friend of mine
with a gigantic whirlpool
that will blow your mind
Hello Mr. Zebra
Ran into some confusion
with a Mrs. Crocodile
Furry mussels marching on
She thinks she's Kaiser Wilhelm
or a civilized syllabub
to blow your mind
Figure it out
She's a goodtime fella
She's got a little fund to fight
for Moneypenny's rights
Figure it out
She's a goodtime fella
Too bad the burial was premature
she said and smiled

And furthermore, Tori does NOT sound like Kate Bush....ohhh man, I hate that!
Happy Tori Tuesday everyone!

It's All About Me, So Deal With It!

I lived in Venice Beach, CA for 12 years!



When I was 18, an older, hip friend of mine took me from out behind the Orange Curtain, to visit Venice Beach for the day. I'll never forget it! The skaters, the pizza, the artwork, the street musicians, the ocean breezes! Smoking a joint on the sand with topless women at the "gay part of the beach", dancing at the drum circle, watching hundreds of colorful people stroll by...I knew that I'd be back!

When I was 19, I moved to Venice. I found this tiny little converted house that was once someone's sunroom....and I took it right away. The rent was just 265. a month, about 12 houses up from the beach. I couldn't resist!

Venice was the perfect place for me! Hours were spent sitting on the sand, strolling on the boardwalk, riding my bike around, hanging out with my street musician buddies..smoking alot of herb....and dancing. In Venice, I learned to let my spirit run free!

I lived there until I was 31, when Mr Ratburn and I felt the need to live in a quieter community. (Mr Ratburn also lived in Venice Beach, but, we met in Ventura at a Grateful Dead Show! Are you suprised? "course not!)

I will always love Venice, and I visit there about twice a year.
If you have never been to Venice, I highly recommend it. It's a lot of fun!

Favorite picture of the Weekend!

I took this picture in Bangalore in December 2003. The newspaper cones are filled with puffed rice, and a little pot of coal sits inside the basket to keep the rice warm. The other basket is filled with prayer booklets, or something like that! :P
I just had a really cheap camera that year, so my photos were not so great. This one though, I have always loved because here we have this traditional, simple man amidst one of the most modern cities in India. Also, his red clothing is very unusual, I can't help think that he dressed all in red especially to attract attention from tourists.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Awwwwwwww!! Sooo Cute!!!!!

I cannot relate to sox and doormats...so today instead of SPF, i'm posting something very, very sweet and special. These little dolls are made of polymer clay by artist Camille Allen, not of marzipan as rumor has it! They have become so popular that there is a huge waiting list to purchase one. I just thought you might like to see them. They are precious!
Happy Friday everyone!