My life is brilliant.My love is pure. I saw an angel, of that i'm sure....

Shamelessly stolen from Cockney Rhyming Slang, and inspired by the Lovely Lelly and her Manhole covers
who correctly predicted that James Blunt would be the next cockney slang word for ...erm, uh, well you know....





James Blunt. Lovely guy.
Shame about the stage name.




James Blunt most popular new Cockney Rhyming Slang suggestion for fifth month running! (Acckkkk!!!!)
Here at cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk we have to ask ourselves - given that nearly all celebrity names are turned into some form of Cockney Rhyming Slang at some point - and given that James Blunt's REAL name is in fact James BLOUNT - which has no hilarious Cockney connotations at all - why would he choose to call himself James Blunt, when it's Cockney Rhyming Slang equivalent is is so blindingly obvious!? Answers on a postcard. But please - don't anybody submit James Blunt as new Cockney slang - everybody knows what it rhymes with :-)

OK I Just have to interrupt here...is James Bl(o)unt English? ...waitaminit....Wiki says yes he is.....ok well....um, should we tell them the other meaning for blunt? Hee hee! My theory is that he didnt wanna be mistaken for this guy while Wiki-ing.

James Blunt - lovely guy, shame about the stage name

Top 10 latest London slang ...

Try to guess the translations before you click the names!

Ewan McGreggor from gary on 12-May-2006
Tom Hanks from gary on 12-May-2006
50 Cent from kevin McThomas on 12-May-2006
Cousin Kyle from kevinMcThomas on 12-May-2006
Postman Pat from kevin McThomas on 12-May-2006
Patrick Swayze from Gary on 12-May-2006
Snake's Hiss from ian smith on 12-May-2006
Stick of Glue from K. Cummings on 11-May-2006
Struggle and Grunt from gary on 11-May-2006
Political Farce from Danny James on 11-May-2006

Click on the links for their translations.

Ready to have some fun? Make up your own cockney rhyming slang for your own name or some celebrity or whoever you want!

55Flash Fiction Friday

Strips of newspaper curled menacingly and devoured the table. Blue slime melted her fingertips. The sludge threatened to swallow her alive. Who would win? She should turn back, run and hide, but NO! WAIT! She would never forgive herself if she didn't make it to the part where she got to pop the balloon inside!


I hope you liked todays flash fiction, brought to you by STA-FLO Liquid Starch!
I can't wait to read yours!

HNT


One of my absolute favorite things to do in India is to ride around the city in an autorickshaw...inexpensive, fun, and a great way to see the sights. You might find this annoying, but the most hilarious thing about traffic in India is that the horns never stop blaring. It can get pretty loud at times! That "horn ok please" thing up there, is painted on the back of a lot of autorickshaws! Over at Sepia Mutiny, you can buy a t-shirt with HORN OK PLEASE printed on it. It will cost you about 30 bucks to get it though (including shipping ok please!) Shame on you Sepia Mutiny! Are you sure you didn't mean rs. 30?
What? You say you don't want a HORN OK PLEASE tshirt? Why, everytime I see that slogan, I just wanna fall on the ground and bust my sides open from laughter because I know...



This picture was taken on my first visit to India in 2002, in an autorickshaw in Bangalore. It's one of my favorites! Happy HNT everyone! HORN OK PLEASE!

Where in the world is Mr Ratburn?

The Idiot and Barefoots Official Weekly Tropical Top Five #6

REBEL WEEK! Welcome to week 6 of the game! Since I am being rebellious this week, if you wanna play, you have to go to The Idiots blog to get the topic! I can be really bratty when I want to, huh?

Tell me how rebellious you are instead!

But now I'm wishin' for my best impression of my best Angie Dickenson......

Susie is being a lazy ass.

For fun Tori stuff today, go see Aerik at Chronicles of Chaos and PG over at Way beyond the pale. I think, that is, I mean, they usually do..... and hopefully they wont kill me for linking them without asking!

(Actually I've got a ton of 3D things to do right now, but i'll be around...)

Yes, this really is a little Tori patch. Isn't she cute? You can get them at The Tori Store.....

Want to pretend that you are in college again? Play this fun game!

Thankyou blogger god for not eating my blog permanently!

Who came for the weekend and trashed my house?

Yes, BTW this is a dance troupe from the Rogue Festival...ALTERED MODALITIES



It's Monday...I'm feeling really rebellious this week....I might just blow off my regular posts and do whatever the fuck I feel like .....OK?

Old Man Ocean

Old Man Ocean, how do you pound
Smooth glass, rough stones round?
Time and the tide and the wild waves rolling
Night and the wind and the long gray dawn.
Old Man Ocean, what do you tell,
What do you sing in the empty shell?
Fog and the storm and the long bell tolling,
Bones in the deep and the brave men gone.

Russell Hoban

55 Flash Fiction Friday

Stretched out on a park bench in town square, one hand draped across her eyes, the other clutching a handful of quarters to keep them from falling out of her pocket. Her mind whirling, at last, she dreams of sidewalks, air conditioners and huge lawnmowers taking down fields of tall grass that make her sneeze.



Ok let's have your 55, either in my comments or if on your own blog, be sure to let me know you've played, so I can go see it! Miss Logo has not one but 6 doozy 55's today, so head over there and checkout that lunatic too! Have fun!

Wild N Free HNT!

When I was growing up, my dad was in the Navy, and we lived in all sorts of odd places such as Eritrea, and Kodiak Island, Alaska. Living on Kodiak as a child was one of the most wonderful experiences! We grew up wild and free!
Near my school there was a little tiny forest that we named Dogwood. My sister and our friends and I used to play there, making forts with little beds of ferns for our dolls, playing hide and seek among the trees, and climbing branches for hours.
Then when I grew up, and married Mr Ratburn, we were very adventurous indeed and decided to drive to Alaska from Los Angeles. And so drive we did.....what a wild summer that was! Was it not adventurous enough for us that we drove to Alaska, camping all along the way? Oh no, after that we then drove to New York before returning home to Los Angeles....Crazy kids!
For HNT this week I present to you a picture of myself taken by Mr Ratburn about 18 or so years after I used to play there as a child, in my Dogwood. Funny.....the woods seemed so much bigger then....



Hey, didja know these ferns make great dolly beds? :P

And by the way, I was 22 when last weeks HNT picture was taken!

The Idiot and Barefoots Official Weekly Tropical Top Five #5

Welcome to week 5 of the game! This weeks topic is Crying songs, songs that make you cry, songs about sorrow, and tears. Are we sad? Nope, The Idiot and I just sorta moved right into crying tunes after last weeks tunes about eyes.

Here's our list, have fun making yours! And hey, don't cry, it's gonna be ok!

THE CRYING GAME aka Crying songs

Crying by Roy Orbison
Pictures of You by The Cure
No Woman No Cry by Bob Marley
The Crying Game by Culture Club
1000 Oceans by Tori Amos

we walked on frosted fields of juniper and lamplight...

This isn't a Tori song....but for some reason I've had it in my head for the past two days, so today I dug out my (age is showing) old Simon and Garfunkel LP and played For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her. And then, later today, I discovered that Tori has covered this tune. See below*
I love For Emily..it's such a beautiful song...



what a dream i had
pressed in organdy
clothed in crinoline of smoky burgundy
softer than the rain
i wandered empty streets down past the shop displays
i heard cathedral bells tripping down the alley ways
as i walked on
and when you ran to me
your cheeks flushed with the night
we walked on frosted fields of juniper and lamplight
i held your hand
and when i awoke and felt you warm and near
i kissed your honey hair with my grateful tears
oh, i love you girl...
oh, i love you


OK Tori people, can you just imagine Tori singing that song? I've got to dig this one up!



*Tori has performed this song live during the Pink Tour in Partsmouth, England on April 21, 1994 and in Ottawa, ONT on November 3, 1994(L). The former track can be found on the Tori Stories bootleg."I'm gonna sing you a story, ok. This is one of my favorite songs, I grew up listening to this song. I've only played this like one time live, and uh, I used to listen to this song and dream of…I know you're gonna go 'why did you dream that?' but I used to dream of being in England, right. I know, I know...why not California! I dreamed that too. But anyway, and I would listen to this song and I would be walking down when it was raining. I'm from the South, it was all very romantic."-- Tori intro to song; Portsmouth, England 04/21/94

Have a lovely Tuesday!

Double Me Me Monday!

It's All About ME, dammit!



I was tagged by the lovely Lelly, and so, I shall do this ME ME........ and continue to ponder her question: (*although I don't actually know what a 'meme' is. What does that mean?? literally 'ME, ME'? How is it pronounced...mimi, meem, mem-mee?) I was also tagged by Miss Logo for a different me me, so I will do them both at once...... I know, this is LONG but I know you are all dying to learn all this stuff about me! .....Aren't you?

1. When was the last time you had sex?
I don't have sex, I am sex!
(ack! Couldn't resist, I mean those sex blog chicks talk that way, why can't I?)

2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
I try to only frequent the auto flushers.
Did you know that in the airport bathroom in Seoul they have these little machines that make water noises when you push the button so that noone can hear you pee or um..anyway, they do!

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
No, I wear it to keep my pants from falling off.

4. Do you have a crush on someone?
It wouldn't be polite to say.

5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
Patience! Hah! Was that a trick q?

6. What famous person do you (or other people*) think you resemble?
Hmnnnnn, Winnie the Pooh?

7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Pepperoni for sure!

Uhh Where is #8?

9. Do you crack your knuckles?
Sometimes, what are you gonna do about it?

10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
"...and the reason is youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....."

11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
Oh man, I hate that song..... I'm gonna get you for this, Lelly!

12. What are your super powers?
I'd have to say that other than being very intuitive, my ability to see through clothing is my favorite superpower.

13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
Blushes when I think about it! :P
But seriously, the hardest thing....making it over the rough years in my marriage and surviving.

14. Where are your car keys? Of course, I would have to rephrase this question to read:

RABBIT, WHERE'D YOU PUT THE KEYS, GIIIIRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL??
I have one of those cute little key hanging thingies right by my front door, and if I look over there right now....oh man! Who took my car keys?! (Ok, that's for you Lelly!)

UPDATE: Oops! Somehow I forgot the other half of Lellys Me Me, so I will have to do that next time! You know how cut and pasting is, thought I had it all, but only had half....



And here comes Logos Me Me, which, by the way, is NOT a meme, but a Me Me.

3 Names U go By:
Susie Suse Mom

3 Screen Names U Have Had:
Cavebabe Barefoot Scoutinahamsuit

3 Things U Like about Yourself:
Le joie de vivre, hurray! Artistic, creative and incredibly handy..(need a bookshelf?) That seemed like 3....

3 Things U Don’t Like about Yourself:
I can be a real slacker. I am impatient. I am selfish.

3 Parts of Your Heritage:
Irish Scottish Wannabe Indian

3 Things that Scare U:
Mean people sharks fear of drowning

3 of Your Everyday Essentials:
Diet Coke Sunshine My Little Rita

3 Things U are Wearing Right Now:
green tank top long indian print skirt and
green eyelet pants underneath

3 of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists:
Tori Amos Dave Matthews Los Lobos

3 of Your Favorite Songs:
The Last Stop ~ Dave Matthews Band Sugar ~ Tori Amos
Famous Blue Raincoat ~ Leonard Cohen

3 Things U Want to (WILL) Try in the Next 12 Months:
bhang lassi fire dancing stilts

3 Things You Want in a Relationship:
kindness trust laughter

2 Truths and a Lie:
I was born in Eritrea. I have a pet Cobra that I brought back from India.
Viggo and Exene used to be my next door neighbors.

3 Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to U:
He makes me laugh he makes me feel sexy he is kind

OK I'm adding 3 physical things:
Beautiful eyes that make contact Long slender fingers and dexterous hands
Very tall men are my favorite!

3 Things about the Same Sex that Appeal to U:
I just love good girltalk, a girlfriend that can talk about all that TMI stuff without judging me, sex, hips, shampoo, men, pimples, whatever!
I love the support that my women friends give to me and each other, always. (Hugs, girls!)
And, I LOVE a girlfriend that can travel the world and not complain if her hair is dirty and her feet are too!

3 Things U Just Cannot Do:
Hula hoop ride a skateboard Stand on my head

3 of Your Favorite Hobbies:
Woodworking cooking Indian food traveling

3 Things U Want to do Really Bad Right Now:
Live in India and teach English or make tea for Yasser
Lose 20 pounds Hang out with my girls

3 Careers U are Considering:
Teen counselor Indian Restaurant owner Chaiwallah for Yasser!

3 Places You Want to Go on Vacation:
Nepal Eritrea Sri Lanka

3 Kid’s Names:
Sierra (but Ratburn said FOR MY GIRL? NO WAY!)
Sandeep (Sandy) (To that Ratburns eyes about popped out!)
Nisha (our child is NOT Indian, he said)

3 Things U Want to Do Before U Die:
Watch Little Rita grow and "jump
in the mud,
mud
Get your hands filthy, love
Give it up, love
Everyday!"
Continue to travel the world, including Eritrea, my birthplace.
Live and work in India.

3 Ways U are Stereotypically a Boy:
I like to fix stuff I build furniture I like breasts

3 Ways U are Stereotypically a Chick:
I feel before I think. I like to shop. I dont like mud.

3 Celeb Crushes:
Dave Matthews Tori Amos Howie Day

3 People U Would Like to Complete This Quiz:
Adeleigh
SSS
Mr Freshy

Are you guys bored to death? Maybe you know me a little better now? :P Tell me something I don't know about YOU!

55Flash Fiction Friday

Today I felt like writing two versions!

He lazes against the tree and gazes up at feet, tattoos and legs dangling. His mind races through cotton candy blossoms, cinnamon hair and sugar skin...that overall strap, undone again, slips from her sun warmed shoulder. Hungry eyes watch as apple touches parting lips, then meet an evil glance as the apple drops, aiming for his head.
(all the evil ideas in this 55 are from Logo)



In the grass below, black rubber farm boots abandoned. Above in the tree, feet and toes dangle. Overalls with one strap dangling, leaning back onto a branch. Gazing up into the blossoms, petals rain down. Sun warms her shoulders, she shines her apple and takes a bite, laughing as the juice runs down her chin.

I write about apples a lot......why don't you give it a try! Write a 55 word story with a plot and at least one character. You can write in my comments or at your blog! Let me know you played, and have fun!

Flashback HNT!
Someone gave me an old scanner a couple of months ago, and I never got around to hooking it up....until today when I really really needed a picture scanned for my Hijacked HNT post this week. I didnt really think it was going to work, but I could NOT go out to the store to get it scanned with my eyes all red and scary looking, could I? (yes I still look like that!)
It was one of those rare moments when hookup took 30 seconds and, voila! I have a scanner now!
Anyway, now the possibilites are endless, and so today, I present to you, my dear HNT friends, Susie a long long time ago, young, wild, half~ nekkid, and so very free......


By the way, I am still very free! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Happy HNT everyone!

OMFG, Mr Ratburn looks like carrot top!

Wonder what those Hijackers are up to this week?

The Idiot and Barefoots Official Weekly Tropical Top Five #4

behind crystalline irises
loons can drive where the world bleeds white
just keep your eyes on her
keep
don't look away
keep your eyes on her horizon....Tori Amos

Welcome to Week 4 of our game! This weeks Official Weekly Tropical Top Five category is:

Eye Songs

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by The Platters
Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison
I Only Have Eyes for You performed by Art Garfunkel
Bush Doctor by Peter Tosh
Eyes Without A Face by Billy Idol

Have fun making your own list, either in the comments or on your own blog! Let
The Idiot or Barefoot know that you played, and thanks for stopping by! : P

The lovely feet of Kamala, a Bharat Natyam dancer and friend o' mine.

Where'd you put the keys girl......

never was a cornflake girl
thought that was a good solution
hangin with the raisin girls
she's gone to the other side
givin us a yo heave ho
things are getting kind of gross
and i go at sleepy time
this is not really happening
you bet your life it is
peel out the watchword
just peel out the watchword
she knows what's going on
seems we got a cheaper feel now
all the sweeteaze are gone
gone to the other side
with my encyclopedia
they musta paid her a nice price
she's puttin on her string bean love
this is not really happening
you bet your life it is
rabbit where'd you put the keys girl
and the man with the golden gun
thinks he knows so much
thinks he knows so much
rabbit where'd you put the keys girl


The first time I ever saw Tori perform Cornflake Girl live, I thought the roof was gonna blow!




Tori Amos talks about her song Cornflake Girl, from her 1994 release, Under The Pink:

"I read the Alice Walker book, Possessing the Secret of Joy, and there's umm, in that book, the mothers take the daughters to the butchers to have their, let's say their genitalia removed. And even though it's a patriarchal culture that she's talking about, and that this custom was put into practice a long, long time ago by the patriarchy, it's the mothers that take their daughters. And, what I was singing about was, it's funny how from generation to generation women really betray each other in the ladies' room. There is a whole secret society that happens, and a lot of times a mother will say 'I'm doing this for your good' whether it was binding the feet in the Eastern cultures or whether it's marrying your daughter to this gangrene, smelly-breathed, old, decrepit, rotting scumbag that's 80 years old with dough. 'You know, this is really the best for you,' when the truth is, it's the best for everybody else. And, that's an extreme of women's relationships brought to just like, your girlfriend that you're hanging out with, but betrayal is betrayal, and I was thrown in to many situations as I was reading that book where girls, my girls, we were just dissin' each other. The things that we were doing, umm, it's like I would have never imagined that we could be so unsupportive of each other, and it was just happening while I was reading this book, and Cornflake Girl is the betrayal really of girls."-- Tori; 99X Radio Interview, 08/05/94

Rabbit~


Where'd you put the keys, Giiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllll?

Ack!

Last week Little Rita came home from school with a raging case of pink eye. It was NOT there 4 hours earlier when I took her to school. So, doctor appt, money, money, money, fancy eye drops.....but the eye swelled up and took about 5 days to clear up. The doctor said it was only contagious for 24 hours after taking the eye drops.....
OK, so, how come its a week later, LR is totally better, and yesterday my right eye started itching me? ....ack....by nighttime it was red and swollen...and all night I had to pry my eye apart...and, ya know, ew!
This morning my eye is swollen totally shut. No way! Are you kidding? You do NOT get to see it! I would like you all to remember me as lovely as I usually am.
If this gets into my other eye, I will be blinded completely until it clears up. You know I've got amblyopia!
So, I had a thought, about our Hijackers and how we've all gotten a bit worn out from trying to maintain blogs, jobs, families, and secret private lives... LOL J/K......Logo has a nasty cold, Limes got major one handed typing issues, and me, well you can just call me One Eyed Sue, your pirate pal for a few more days...anyone got a patch and a parrot I can borrow?

(If I disappear completely, you will know it's because my "good eye" got the pink eye and i'll be a NO EYE for a couple days......Practicing for blindness?)

55Flash Fiction Friday

Wendy O Williams

She raced to the kitchen for two small glass bowls. Minutes later, in front of her mirror, puzzling, attempting to remember....how ..did....she get...these things to....stay? She runs back to the kitchen and grabs the duct tape. Eat your heart out, Plasmatics, she thought and gave a little jiggle! Ready for HNT!

OK, leave me a 55 word fiction in my comments, or on your own blog, but let me know you've played! Have fun!

Artsy fartsy HNT

art by Little Rita

Yes, dahling, I do have a nose for art and I think this is just mahhvelous!

Mr Ratburn is dying to show you pics from his wild weekend without susiestheboss!

Be sure to check out my pals very first HNT at Sideways Again, stop by and wish him well!