FEED MEEEEE!

Cheeseburger with lettuce tomatoes and mustard, american cheese, with french fries.....
Diet Coke...
Romaine salad with ccucumbers, carrots, and feta....
Ice cubes....
Apples...
Pepperoni pizza with chilies....
Sourdough bread with turkey and muenster cheese, mustard and lettuce, please.....

Oh man, I am so hungry! When I get back to California, I am going to eat like a pig! Speaking of which, I sorta felt like a pig last night when I saw the room that I was staying in in Agra. "Presidential Suite, AC Deluxe" it said on the door...HAHAHAHA! Dont make me laugh! OK I have been in a lot of hotels in India, and I have learned to expect freezing cold showers, warm beverages, and traffic noise all night long, But nothing has ever come close to the pig stye we stayed in last night. Much to our horror, the room came complete with its own set of filthy towels, grungy bed sheets, and its very own mosquito and fly colony! Furthermore, the bathroom window didnt close and I was sure some naughty little hotel boy was watching me shower.....
Uh wait, did I say shower? More like, squat on my knees under a waist high tap with semi warmish water trickling out. Ok then, Karen and I were freezing our buns off, keeping all of our clothes on while attempting to sleep in this hell hole. To amuse ourselves, we made monster shadow hand puppets on the ceiling as we dictated into her MP3 recorder our night of horror. Funny thing, when you are in hell, how hard you will try to make it all better.
Then I have to confess, earlier on our trip, Karen and I started flinging cookies at each other, just to be silly, and that evolved into toast flinging. Last night, I flung a piece of stale toast at Karen, hitting her square in the mouth, causing a fat lip! I didnt mean it really! You are probably wondering, why carry around stale toast, why fling it at each other? Hey, we have been in India together nearly a month, and we are getting a little batty!
Besides, if you were as hungry as I am, you would carry around stale toast too!
Next time I will eat it instead of flinging it at Karen.
Ok I am forgetting to tell you that we went to the Taj Mahal yesterday! Sorry, sometimes survival events surpass even the Taj Mahal! Ok ok no problem madam, I am getting there. We started out our day in Delhi by being picked up by our hired taxi driver, who took us on quite an adventure on the Delhi\Agra Highway....five hours of passing camels, bicycle rickshaws, villagers, pigs, buffalo and cows! Hold on, what a wild ride!
Anyway, went to Taj Mahal just in time for sunset and my camera batteries died. Also the four FRESH batteries that I had in Bangalore turned out to be completely worthless so there I was at the Taj with NO camera.
Good thing Karen had her fancy camera with her! I managed to coax a couple of nice sunset pictures outa my camera and then we headed out of there..but wait, theres more! We had the esteemed privelege of getting to come back to the Taj for a full moonlight viewing! How did we do that you ask? Tiger Paw.com betas! In India, it definitely is who you know! This moonlight viewing was so awesome, even without camera, but first, we were fully frisked, not once, not twice, but three times, crotch included, then escorted into the Taj Mahal by way too many armed security guards. I probably woulda cried about this camera situation, but you know what? Just about everyone in there was having difficulty getting a shot with their fancier than thou cameras.
Not so for Karen...she soooo got some cool shots which will appear on this blog when I get back, betas!
Ok sooo that esteemedness lasted but a mere 30 minutes when we were then escorted again by armed security guards back out of the Taj, where we walked back to our fleabag hotelhell, and climbed up to the MOUND to watch the moon rise and take more pictures.
Ok its time to rat out this hotel! If you are ever in AGRA do NOT stay at the Taj Khema, I said DO NOT! But the one and only thing they have going for themselves is the MOUND, the best view of the Taj Mahal from outside of the gates, bar none! We also got some wonderful sunrise pics from said mound, but not til after paying 300 rupees for two AA batteries...that's $7.00 for you non desis, yaar!
Ok but I forgot to tell you about going across the street to the incredibly overpriced sareee shop and hanging out with some lovely Russian people (run run russians!) No seriously, these were nice, and not drunk at all.....
Ok soooo the men in the place were whipping sarees across the floor as only a saree wallah can do, but I didnt like the sound they were making at all...NO NO NO these are NOT silk sarees, they are making the wrong sounds! (Trust me, I know this stuff) Then I noticed that the men did not know how to wrap a saree and it was time for Susie to step in. I wrapped up that beautiful Russian woman like a pro, while 15 people stood and watched and applauded and cheered! Man, I loved that! I was so proud.
One man told me, "I think you want to be Indian" And I said "sometimes yes I do!" So I stepped out onto the front porch to take a saree wrapping break and had a chat with the Russian husband, telling him, those sarees are not silk and do NOT pay what he is asking. We discussed prices and he went in and skillfully bartered, getting three sarees for little over the price they had originally asked for ONE! Well done, sir!
Ok anyway.....this should be all about the Taj Mahal...but it's more about the fresh hell we found ourselves in, and if you want more, please go to Karens blog and read her take on the day from hell.
We have just two more days here in Delhi, and I have some serious shopping to do... remember my post about Dilli Haat? It's time to pay a visit! Also have to get to a music store for something for the Ratburn.
Ok i'm out, but first, can I have a bite of that what you are eating there? I'm starving!