55Flash Fiction Friday

Signora del Gioconda, you are looking lovely today!

Stop, Leonardo!
Lisa, you make me crazy when you look at me that way!
I said stop!
I cannot, Lisa, te amo, run away with me!
You tell that to all your models, Leo!
No, bellissima, I do not!
DO TOO!
I must have you!
Paint, Leo....


This is a recycled 55 that Logo and I wrote last year....even with Charles FABULOUS 55 flash fiction word counting tool, I remain uninspired. Alas! If you hate counting words, you will love the new tool! Be sure to run over and thank Charles for his invention. I apologize for recycling...but some of you may not have seen this one before.
Have a lovely weekend, people!

41India

Stonehenge Monster HNT

In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing...

Stonehenge .......

.......get me the hell out of Stonehenge is all i'm sayin!

Happy HNT, Everyone!

Thanks, Logo for the mini Stonehenge of our very own!

42India

I Feel Sorta Icky....

Ok well, maybe not this bad, but still.....

See you around for HNT!

Oh I Am A Lonely Painter, I Live In A Box Of Paints.....

This week WDKY and I seem to be having a bit more musical monday ESP.....
WDKY is presenting my absolute favourite Joni Mitchell song and I have found my absolute favourite cover of that Joni song, performed by Tori Amos. Not planned, honest!
I worked really hard all weekend and I am just exhausted. Running the bazaar is very difficult work, betas!
Have a lovely Monday everyone, and I am still taking gift suggestions for Vikram's birthday, please see my post below.

A Case Of You


India44

Ok, so I have this pal in India....

......and it will be his birthday on the day we arrive. I don't know him very well but he lives here:

I think he is about 28-30ish. Vikram is single, unlike his brother who is married and has two children. To the children I will bring handmade blankets.

But here's the thing. What sort of gift does an American with access to just about anything give as a birthday present to a man who lives in prehistoric India?
I am serious, people, help me out here.

An interesting bit of tradition in the village that Vikram is from is that the women are often married at the age of 14. However, Vikram, unlike his brother, does NOT want to marry a 14 year old "woman." (Remember that place from last year, people, with the 28 year old grandmother, and the other 28 year old woman that I met with 10 daughters? Yes, that place.)

Any and all suggestions, silly or otherwise, for a very special gift for a man living in a very unique and lost world, will be considered. One idea I have is to bring him books, his English is not great, but pretty good, and I know reading will only make it better. The problem here is, which books? Certainly not my favorite author TC Boyle, no, he wouldn't get it at all. Poe? Too creepy? What do you think?

I do not have a picture of Vikram, but this is his mom and his niece, who by the way, looks very much like Vikram!

46India

55Flash Fiction Friday

Just a Normal Little Momster

Sitting down at her makeup table, she growled and began removing her "party face." Off came the green spots, one by one, followed by the thick black eyebrows. Pulling off the wig, her real hair sprung free.

Smiling at herself in the mirror, she thought, Halloween is over, it feels good to be normal again.

Hope you all had a bewitchingly good time treak or treating! I am happy to announce that Little Rita, who has been sick since last Friday with the flu, still managed to drag her little self out there and make some neighborhood t and t rounds.

Seeing her so determined reminded me of trick or treating in Alaska, in the rain, slush, snow, freezing temps.....nothing could keep us from getting out there and doing our jobs. We were kids, and this was Halloween gosh darn it, and we had work to do, weather be ding danged, flu be gosh darned!

Anyway...if you want to know more about 55Flash, check the pink and white button on the sidebar over there. I hope you will all get out there and visit all the 55s, and also check G~mans blog for some 55 participants as well!

48India

HAPPY HAUNTING HNT

Hello my pretties, and welcome to Susies The Boss, Halloween version. Tonight I'd like to share with you my most frightful beauty secret...the face peel.

Mr Ratburn! That's not what we meant by face peel!

Some people just get a little carried away.

Stuff.....

Something I'm working on for someone in Seattle.

Someone really cute hanging out in my yard.

My fortune cookie:
Simplicity and clarity should be your theme in dress.

Oh, you mean like this?

See you later for HNT!

Men Let Your Wallets Flop Out, Women Open Your Purses....

You're probably going to hate my choice for Musical Monday, so don't even watch it.

I got turned onto the Captain when I was 19, I was living in Orange County at the time. The Captain blew my head right off. Here's the thing about Captain Beefheart, you either get it or you dont. I am proud to be a big eyed bean from Venus, lick my decals off me, baby.

..and here's a little more Don Van Vliet for you:

She serves me flowers 'n yams

'N in the night when i'm full

She brings me white jam

'N I don't know where I am

In the meadow she brings me

Like ah bee she stings me

'N I don't know where I am

Clouds clingin' to us

'N the sun lookin' through us

'N in the night when I'm full

She brings me white jam

'N I don't know where I am

Have a lovely Monday!

52India

55Flash Fiction Friday

Casing the Joint

Pulling up the collar of his trench coat to cover his face, the man lowered his head and shoved open the glass door. Once inside he knew right where to head. It was always the same; warm, dependable. Strolling confidently past the pink donuts, he lowered his voice and mumbled, "gimme two of those 7-ElevenGo-GoTaquitos®Mexican-stylesnacks!"

~

This December, I will be returning to India for the 5th time. Five, panch. I cannot wait until the first person in India, recognizing my obvious confidence and familiarity wuth the culture, asks me, "madam, how many times you have been to India?" and I can proudly hold up one entire hand and answer, "Panch, yaar!!" (Notice Apu there only has four fingers....don't ask me what 4 is in hindi, I have no bloody idea.)
This year, Mr Ratburn is coming with me. We are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary, which is actually in April of 2008, but who in blazes wants to go to India in April? That's just crazy. Ok, so, the India countdown is here again, and isn't it funny, for some strange reason, there are 55 days until I go, just like last years 55. I dont know how that worked out.....but it's pretty cool.

If you wanna know more about 55, check the cool pink button on my sidebar that the most awesome Barman made for us. Have a lovely weekend, everyone!

55 India

Concord Grape Harvest HNT

Ahh, the things I can brewmake with these wonderful concord grapes.

Concords are rarely found in supermarkets and veggie stands, but our neighbor has lots of em! She's in India right now, and the grapes are ready so we get to have em all! There are plenty to give away and make jelly out of.

Now, have you ever eaten a Concord grape? I'm sure you've had the juice and the jelly, but let me tell you what...they are about the wierdest fruit that I have ever eaten, all firm, tart and warm on the outside and smushy on the....um, is it getting hot in here?

Go on ahead and think about wine, Mr Ratburn, I got other stuffs on my mind!

Happy HNT, EVERYONE!

You Know What They Say, You Can't Pick Your Relatives......

Why yes, in fact, they are weird, thank you very much!

HAPPY 11th BIRTHDAY, LITTLE RITA!

Yes, my daughter is perhaps stranger than I am. We love her anyway. You know, back in the oldddd days, I used to tell Mr Ratburn that if we ever got around to having kids, that I wanted just one perfect girl, and that is exactly what I got. By the way, LR informed me that my ONE teeny interruption in her video has "ruined it!" Sheesh! Like I said, we love her anyway.....

Interesting Facts About Little Rita

1. She has had two sets of supernumerals, thats extra teeth for you non orthodontia aware people, and yes, it has been expensive, which explains the braces and the orange and black rubberbands she has on for Halloween...her teeth are NOT black, honest. (Because of her extra teeth, we also called her "sharky" for awhile, but now were down to the right amount ofmissing two at this point!)

2. She is a lefty like her mom. I'm so proud.

3. At 11 years old, is just 3" shorter than her mom. (yikes!)

4. Her shoulders are already the same width as mine.

5. Little Rita was born 8 weeks premature and weighed 3 pounds.

6. Here's the part where I get to be supermom because essentially had I not noticed that her fetal movement had completely stopped at 7 months, rushed into the hospital and discovered a very tangled in umbilical cord baby girl needing to be born immediately, she would not have lived more than a few more hours. Yes, I did save her life, and that's the beauty of maternal instinct, isn't it? (I dont use that as a guilt thingy, but sometimes it's tempting)...for ex: "Be happy I got you outa there when I did, kiddo....."

7. Little Rita is an excellent student, plays volleyball, loves cats, and hates soda pop! (HURRAY, says mom).

8. Little Rita plays the clarinet, and likes drama.

9. Little Rita once donated 13" of her hair to Locks of Love.

10. Little Rita wants to be a teacher when she grows up, like Mr Ratburn.

Have a lovely day, everyone!

Killer..... uhhh...... Queen?Your Suit Was the Whitest Thing Since You Know Who.....

OK, so if you are now returning to this post you will see a real Killers tune and not those horrible imposters!
The Killers Some Really Crappy Band doing their cover of Fat Bottom Girls....enjoy! Queen meets the Killers...what can I say? Yeah, I know, more gay men! **EDIT** Now, I looked and looked and never was 100% sure that this was THE KILLERS, and according to FG, who is a smart arse, he says it is NOT THE Killers, ok so I took it off and here are the Killers, I think...right, FG?

Ok I am here, so that must mean I survived the birthday party. I just wanna say one thing, I will never, so long as I live, allow a pinata at a party again. Animals, I tell ya, just animals. Have a lovely day!

We Survived!

A fun photo of 13 girls running through the pitch black orchard. They had a really fun time playing hide and seek behind trees, jumping out and scaring each other! Blogger is having some issues so thats all for now..

55Flash Fiction Friday

After the hunt

before the last bit of life had drained from the beast

they surrounded and fell upon it

tearing gnashing

bumping each other and jockeying for space

tremendous whipping and whirling commenced

unsupressed cravings

bits flew about

afterward

not a scrap left over

satiated

they retreat

oh the joys of a birthday party pinata....

LOL Tonight is Little Rita's 11th birthday party. There will be 13 -11 year old girls in this house, pizza, potato chips, cake, and pinata. Loud music, musical chairs, about 100 balloons...This house is small. Will the Ratburn and I survive? Stay tuned!

And if you want to know more about Flash Fiction, hit the button on the sidebar over there.....

Pumpkin Wine HNT

click to biggen

Pumpkin Wine is oh so Fine

Oh so fine it blows my mind

With pumpkin wine my dreams come true

I'm a superhero and so are you!

Happy HNT Everyone!

Can we grow em or what? LOL!

Back By Special Request

Seems that somebody misses my Rupert Rufus!

Tangled

Musical Monday peoples, bow to one of the Gods:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvBkbPEoeAI

Have a great day...be back later when I wake up.......

Mad Farmin' Skilz

Click to biggen

Whoooeeeee! I'm a gonna git me some mileage outa this here squarsh thang!

Anyone care ta take a gander at how much she's a weighin?

55Flash Fiction Friday

Spykidsmom

Carmens heart raced as she rushed down the precarious pathway, eyes darting this way and that, alert to the enemy nearby.

Ducking behind a parked Aerialtransportdevice™, she congratulated herself for remembering her Communicationspymoduleunitcompactmirror™, and pressing the activate button, summoned her partner in crime.

"Agent Cortez, devaporize at once, I've forgotten how to work this damn razr!"

**UPDATE**All techno devices have been TM'd and so therefor are now real words and not cheating! :D

Hey, guess what I finally got? A real cell phone, not one of those lame tracfones that i've been carrying around for three years. Those days are over. I'm talking a burgundy razr phone like a real spy, erm, I mean adult. I can hardly wait to play detectives with Little Rita in the orchard with the phones. But wait, before you go callin me, this whole modern phone dealie is a present for Little Rita, so it's gonna have to wait until after her birthday on October 23rd. Sheesh, by then I might even know how to work my phone well enough to be communicating with Agents 99 and 76, Maxwell Smart.

Hey, we've come a long way from the shoe phone!

Have a lovely weekend and if you need to know more about Flash Fiction, check the sidebar over there for more info!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIME!

New Black Bathrobe HNT #1

I think my new robe is alot more photogenic than pink polka dotted fleece, don't you?

I just love it, and now I don't have to wear the pink fleece disaster or borrowswipe Mr Ratburns nice stripey cotton robe. I think you're all gonna like it much more than the pink one. All of you but Polt, that is.

Last week y'all weren't too happy about the announcement of sharing my HNT with Mr Ratburn, were you? And some of you mentioned that you enjoyed popping over to Ratburns blog to see what he's up to watch him make fun of me. We don't wanna disappoint anyone, so go ahead and click the picture. No, it's NOT gonna be me naked....it's him you wanted, isn't it?

HAPPY HNT, EVERYONE!

ZZZzzzzzzzz

You all know about the new robe....pics later...but for now, who didn't like the pink robe around here?

(Yesterday he told me that it was too gaudy and felt disgusting! LOL)

Of Perfect Grilled Cheeses and Shoes....

Look ma, I didn't burn it this time!

Pepperjack and American on buttermilk bread, yummm! I know, American cheese is not so good for you, but I LOVE IT! My family thinks i'm crazy for eating that cheese, but I just can't help myself. Besides, around here when you like a food that the Ratburn and Little Rita don't enjoy, you might even get something to eat every now and then.

In other news, i'm a volleyball mom....do I have to buy a mini van now? Ok, you oughta see that kid slam that ball over the net! I am so proud. I just love the confidence and teamwork that sports brings out in kids.

Now, I'm gonna tell you a little secret about me....in my entire life I have never once hit a volleyball over the net.

You already know about me being the last person picked for sports teams in PE (always!) and all that, so it ought to not come to much of a surprise that LR's athletic talents amaze me. How do people make their bodies cooperate with volleyballs, soccerballs, basketballs? I just will never understand that.

And then there's SHOES.

Have a great Tuesday.

Mr Versatile....

Today on Musical Monday I have chosen Terry Hall. who has been involved in all sorts of cool bands like The Specials and Fun Boy Three. This video is Terry Hall and Sinead O'connor....and a pretty cool tune if you ask me, but if you like it hard, you arent gonna like it.
So let me try again then, with A Gathering Storm.
My ol pal over at Fortress Guinness turned me onto Terry Hall and Mushtaq about 5 years ago...I really wanted to share that music, but there is no video, and you know I love my visuals, so pop on over to this link to hear Terry Hall and Mushtaq, A Gathering Storm. Plus, you can read all about their release in 2003, called The Hour of Two Lights.

If you are at all into middle eastern drumming, or bellydance, you will love A Gathering Storm. Mushtaq is fabulous! Thanks for turning me onto Terry Hall and Mushtaq, FG!

And now may I present Miss Sinead O'connor and Mr Terry Hall ...check him out, lighting a butt at the end of this thing.

All Kinds Of Everything

Have an awesome day! (Do I always sound this Cali?)

55Flash Fiction Friday

The Replacement

she stood in front of the mirror

twirling and spinning
how long had she waited for this day
her endless search had finally come to fruition
no more static and fuzzy pilling
or looking like that elephant from the Banana Splits
into the box went the polka dotted robe
now, what was Polts address anyway?

I really hate that pink polka dotted robe, and i'll tell you why. It always has static, and it gets these annoying little pills all over it. Those little pills drive me crazy. Mr Ratburn said that when I wear it, I am subconsciously and constantly picking them off. So today I found a new robe....let me tell you, it was not easy finding a bathrobe whose fabric content did not resemble the ingredients used to make lighter fluid or something like that.
It's black, it's plain, its 100% cotton, and I got it in the mens department. No frilly stuff, no polyester, and NO polka dots!
Send me your address Polt, you get the pink robe now! :P

**Someone has pink robe envy....**
If you wanna play 55 check out my sidebar for the cool button Barman made for us. It'll
'splain how it works. Don't forget to check out all the other 55ers too!

Have a lovely weekend!

Hey! You! Get Offa My Blog HNT

As some of you know, I have been blogging for well over two years. This has been MY blog , to do with what I want...ok, now get this....Mr Ratburn has decided that he wants to share my HNT spot with me every week.

Uh no, I don't think so!

You better move over missy, I'm the boss now!

Uhhh Nooo! So not sharing with you! Go back to your own blog Mr Ratburn.

Oh Susie, you are so selfish, move over, there's plenty of room for both of us on HNT!


NO! I...won't share...with....ooof! You...you...just because....urghhh!...you are bigger, you think you can....ugh..push...me...around!

(Gentle fluttering sounds of Ratburns eyelashes)

Oh ok I will share my HNT with you from now on, you big baby!

Announcing the official merger of Susiestheboss and My Own Personal Torture, every Thursdays for HNT....what shall we call it?
Susiesmyownpersonaltorture? My Own Susiestheboss? Susiesthebossofmyownpersonaltorture?

HAPPY HNT Everyone!

Just Another Day In The Life of a Do it Yourselfer...

Ok, this makes me laugh so hard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSG4Cml7HXs

Dont worry....it's just a song, all is well in the Ratburn household!

In other news, well, there is no other news.

Have a great day.