A Joke for Monday.....

Mowing The Lawn

One hot, humid afternoon, a man sat in a reclining lawn chair, reading and sipping iced tea while his wife mowed the lawn.
The woman next door is outraged. "Aren't you ashamed, making your wife mow the lawn in this heat? You ought to be hung!"
"I am," replied the man with a smile. "That's why my wife is mowing the lawn!"

~

Miss Pizza sent me this joke by email this morning. Thanks for the giggle, Lisa! Perfect thing for a Monday morning!

I have so much work right now that one woman is now calling me and sorta yelling at me for taking so long to complete her job. Hey, I always tell people, don't be in a hurry to get stuff back from me, but I guess she didn't listen! Sigh :

See you around, bloggy peeps, I gotta get to work.

55Flash Fiction Friday

Green With Envy

She stared longingly at the tempting green nectar. Just...one...sip. Just one....That did it, she would march right up there and order one. But No! That would be wrong, like wearing the same dress to a party. No! She was more original than that.

"I'll have a shot o jack with a coke back", she demanded.

Okee dokee, a fresh 55 for ya! Let me know if you played today, and I'll come on over and check it out. If'n you wanna know more about 55 Flash Fiction Friday, check out this post.

Have a fantastic weekend, everyone!

Nose Pickin HNT

I was in the Seattle area last weekend visiting Lo! She took me to all sorts of cool places. This is the Fremont Troll.... I picked his nose.....Notice the real VW under his left hand! Cool, huh? Happy HNT everyone.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Some highlights from the girl weekend.....

EMP aka The Exploded Brain from the air.....could anything be uglier,yet at the same time, so thought provoking?....that's why they call it art. Actually, the more I look at it, looks more like an exploded heart.....

Part of the exploded brain, er heart....

Much fun was had by all.....hey what's with the green bitch pop, Logo? ;)

That other lovely gal, who you do not know, is a pal of mine, (insert fake name), that I have known for over 20 years, met Lo and I for drinks and partying. What fun! OK I know you are all dying to know. Did she or didn't she? Of course I did...see for yourself...

Hah! Now look what happens when I try to do things like that. I fell right off as you can see. You can't hear me, but I am saying OH SHIT! as I fall! Lenin and friend.

More later....

They Might Be Giants HNT & 55Flash Fiction Friday

Since so many of you are becoming interested in 55 Flash Fiction, I thought I'd better post something today even though I am going to Seattle, my flights at 7 am, and I am not packed yet! So, here is one of my favorite 55's, in which Shakuntula gets her revenge....... and since Barman went to all the trouble to find my first 55, and the post that explains it, I will also include it HERE.

For what felt like the millionth time, Shaku knelt before husband and set the tea tray on the table. Eyes lowered, she served him the plate of sweets. "Mysore Pak!", he squealed delightedly, and while he was completely distracted by this luscious treat, Shaku slipped the poison powder from her saree and into husbands chai.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was 4, we moved from Southern California to Kodiak, Alaska. My dad was in the Navy so they sent him up on a military plane but had my mom drive to Seattle where we then flew to Alaska from there. Didn't they have any planes to Alaska from Los Angeles then? I mean, why did my mom have to drive.....anyway...so it was the worlds fair at the time, and now you can tell how old I am....

Long story short, I got stuck in an elevator alone, lost in some giant hotel. My strongest memory is of the red flocked wallpaper and red carpet in the hallways where I wandered, sobbing, looking for my mom. Thankfully, a nice man brought me down to the lobby where I was reunited with my panicked mom. In those days you could still get lost and not end up on the back of a milk carton. (Have you seen me?)

The other thing I would NOT do at that fair was go up in the Needle. Are you kidding me? That huge round thingy balanced on a stick like thing is gonna hold us up? NO Im not going up there. Still haven't. I am scared to. So, I decided that the only way to tackle this fear of the SpaceNeedle, or Seattlephobia, as some call it, was to become larger than the needle. Much larger as you can see.
Place your bets, I'm going to Seattle this weekend to see Lo and The Idiot. Will she ride the tiger? Will she not? Will she, at 46 years old, and her umpteenth visit to Seattle, finally get up there in the Needle?

HHNT and have a wonderful weekend!

Ketchup is a Vegetable, Isn't it?

Happy Wednesday everyone. I just stole the first part of that meme, the five sentences I would never say, because I thought that was the best part, and here it is.

The five things I would NEVER say:

1. Oh man, I really need a coffee!
2. Why can't we go back to the heyday of the Reagan years?
3. What I really need are some good sturdy closed toed shoes.
4. I've got to get offline now, Greys Anatomy is about to start.
5. I think I'll skip India this year and go see the in~laws in Boca instead.

See ya later for HNT!

It's a very happy Monday indeed over here at susies the boss. Let's watch Rufus camp it up on what has to be a Halloween performance of Oh, What A World...(at least I hope that explains the weird costumes, but with Rufus, every day is Halloween!)....and then at the end we have a fun little clip of Rufus explaining Coit Tower to his lovely viewers. Why he chose that gem out of all the many other fine San Franciscan icons, I'll never know...tum tee tum....


Ok Im not going to complain just how close I have come to seeing Rufus perform this weekend in Seattle, did I mention I would be in Seattle this weekend? Ok, no, totally sold out, do I want to come down to the theater and hang out just in case there are no shows?
Ok sure, I just have to blow off my flight, hang out ALL day Sunday in a line waiting just in case someone doesnt show?
Rufus? I know you are gay, but who do I have to do to get in there? Then, as if that isn't enough, unless I am prepared to kneel before...oh there I go again...gay, susie, gay!...he is also performing at the Palace of Fine Arts in SF next Wednesday....thinking that a local could get around this ticketmaster business, I called em.
"Honey, where have you been? Every fag in town has had tickets to Rufus since February. Unless you have $500 to spare, you will not get a ticket."
Wahhh wahhh wahh!!! I want my Rufus.

Happy Monday!

55 Flash Fiction Friday

Dustballs and threads littered the floor
Cereal box left opened
Deli meat lie abandoned in the fridge
Dishes piled up in the sink
Kitchen boy was gone
Not one, but three sewing machines and accoutrement overwhelmed the kitchen table
In the meanwhile they shopped
shopped til they dropped
When Ratburn's away the ladies will play.

~

Bring it on, kids! Logo played, who else? What is 55, you ask? Write a short story in exactly 55 words with a main character and a plot...use a picture to inspire, or choose one after you write, or no pics at all, even! The barefoot_mistress loves visuals though you know! Let me know if you played.

~

**OK a word about this barefoot_mistress thing....if anyone can tell me how to separate my erm, secret blog from the profile of my susiestheboss blog, I would greatly appreciate it. You might have noticed I'm just called S now...thanks to googleblogger .....HELP!

Birds N Bees HNT

Ahhh, springtime in the orchard. Birds, bees, butterflies....all sorts of wildlife. Looks pretty harmless doesn't it? Well, let me tell you, life in the country isn't all safe and cushy you know......

Heh! Ok, I swear it, this thing was coiled and ready to spring....I picked it up with my bare hands, and the little choad tried to bite me! It had this black

hissing tongue...and it felt just like a little tap, no teeth.

I screamed my

head off!

Ok I know it's just a little harmless gopher snake..but if I had really been this small, there'd be no HNT from me today! (Clicky for huge pic of me and my pal there!)

Happy HNT everyone!

UPDATE**Please come check out the blog of LisaPizza, who is trying to join the HNT train, but blogger is making sure she has a really tough time about it!

Mr Ratburn is out of town this week, and not playing, well, he's playing alright, just not with us!

What To Do With Those Icky Peeps

There are many uses for those Peeps you got in your Easter basket yesterday. I will show you some of them today. One of the many myths of Peeps is that they are believed to be edible. This is not so, my dear readers. I am not sure how you all got that idea, but they were never meant to be eaten at all.

First of all, Peeps make excellent clothing, as proven by this gown made entirely of Peeps chicks. Daniel Levitt ~ All Fly Away

Peeps make great actors when needing to explain Shakespeare!

Need to do the laundry? No problem, Peeps make great panties....stick them on with Sally Hansens bikini wax strips! Ack ack ack!


LMAO....sorry if this offends, but I think it's hilarious. Lookit those poor little chicken peeps about to be devoured by the bunnies, and noone seems to mind, not even Jesus, except for that one lone yellow horrified bunny!

Erm um....in like chicks out like Peeps? Uh oh..... this reeks of soylent greenage.

So that's where Tommy went....

inside specially marked packages of Peeps....

Ooooo kayy, I don't have a microwave oven, let me know how this turns out!

This is just wrong on so many levels.

Enjoy those Peeps, but please don't eat them! Just kidding, I know you are eating one right now while you look at this post!

55Flash Fiction Friday

"That's right you monochromatic eggheads, call me a tramp, willyas....all because you're jealous. Look at them sitting there all prim and proper with their tacky cheap rouge in neat circles and their lips all pursed. Tammy there, she had her shell cracked at a really young age! And, Debbie, shes really loose with her yolk."

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you will write a 55 today. Let me know if you play, and I will send the posse over. Have a great weekend.

19 Years O Wedded Bliss HNT

April 9, 1988

Happy Anniversary Mr Ratburn!

The jokes and carousing will return next week, after the romance.....

HHNT everyone!

Ipod Meme

I stole this MEME from Snavs...it's cool, but I think I really decided to do it because she has a Tori song in her answers, and that is REALLY COOL! The fact that she has Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree on her IPOD in April has me a little concerned though.....

Grab your Ipod or Mp3 Player, set it to shuffle and start asking it these questions:

How does the world see me?
Cripple and the Starfish by Antony and the Johnsons?
I want my mamaaaaaa! That song is just too wierd.....hey!!!!!!

Will I have a happy life?
Bittersweet Surrender by Big Head Todd and the Monsters
Ooh! I like it.

What’s going to happen next?
Movies of Myself by Rufus Wainwright
Ok now I'm really embarrassed, how did they know?

What do my friends really think of me?
Girl Inform Me by The Shins
I know nothing!

Do people secretly lust after me?
Bird Gerhl by Antony and the Johnsons
Oh that is such a sweet song...
I am a bird gerhl, and bird gerhls can fly......what does this have to do with lust? Nothing? Oh.....

How can I make myself happy?
Famous Blue Raincoat by Leonard Cohen
Wow, that's pretty heavy, but I'm not explaining.

What should I do with my life?
Sabhyata by Karmix
Well, this is a French/Algerian song, with Hindi lyrics from an artist that studied in India....ok, you get it....INDIA

Should I have more children?
OMG Strange by Tori Amos
I swear it Snavs, no cheating. Anyway, I am 46 for goodness sakes, of course I am having no more children!

What is some good advice for me?
One by One All Day by the Shins
OK, one at a time, one by one, all day, I can do that!

How will I be remembered?
Cactus by the Pixies

Sitting here, wishing on a cement floor
Just wishing that I had just something you wore
I'd put it on when I go lonely
Will you take off your dress and send it to me?

What is my signature song?
Beeswing by Richard Thompson
Sigh......She was a rare thing, fine as a beeswing, and you wouldn't want it any other way.......

What do I think my signature song is?
Wherever, whenever by Shakira

Baby I would climb the Andes
Just to count the freckles on your body, indeed, Mr Freckles Ratburn.

What does everyone else think my signature song is?
The Power of Orange Knickers by Tori Amos

LOL OK thats pretty good! I mean, I do have 4 pair of orange pants, and two orange, erm, knickers.

What song will play at my funeral?
Apollos Frock by Tori Amos

Ok I can dig it, it's long and instrumental....good for sobbing and tissue passing!

What type of boys do I like

The Gay Messiah by Rufus Wainwright

Of course I got a Rufus song, I just love gay men!

What is my day going to be like?

Pretty Things by Rufus Wainwright

Cool!

Ok there ya have it, complete with picture of me playing this game in action! Have a lovely day.

Who By Fire

Okee dokee, today for Musical Monday I chose more Leonard Cohen. Are you at all surprised? He's just so fabulous, I cannot get enough. This one with Sonny Rollins is really cool, and the backup singers are each so different and fun to watch. Enjoy it!



Have a lovely week!