Friday, September 30, 2005

101 Not Too Personal Things about Me....

<------One of my absolutely favorite things, er persons!!!
I was born in Eritrea
I weighed 5 pounds and was 15 inches long
I lived in Kodiak, Alaska for three years when I was 5-8
I have one sister and one brother
I love cats and dogs and all sorts of fluffy things
I have amblyopia
I am 5'1"
My eyes are sortof greenish brownish orangish
I have a pierced nose
When I was 5 a dog nearly took my nose off
My nose is thankfully, still cute as a button
I have three tattoos
I am left handed
I have been sewing since I was 6
I have three sewing machines
I have a giant fabric stash
Thats how I make my $$$
I am learning how to do woodworking
I still have all my fingers
My feet are size 7
I have a really long second toe
The pinky toe on my right foot is not attached quite right
I can bend it all the way out to the side
I have been married 17 1/2 years
I have one daughter
She's 9
I am a coffee virgin
I like the smell of coffee
I hate peanut butter and jelly
I hate seafood
I like cartoons
I have a cartoon character of myself
Shes a bunny
I used to live in Southern California
I lived in Venice Beach, CA for 12 years
I escaped to Northern California
which is much more suited for me
I have one cat and one dog
I am a huge Tori Amos fan
I listen to Tori every day
My cars name is Tori
I am a college dropout
I majored in art
I went to college for three years before I dropped out
I speak spanish, and some french and ASL
I love trivia madness
I love India
I love Indian textiles
I have been to India three times
My favorite large Indian city is Bangalore
I like to make stuff
I just made a yurt
I live in an apple orchard
I have two yurts now
I want to learn how to ride a skateboard
Three years ago I stepped on a needle and it went all the way into my foot
I had to have surgery to get it out!
I always wanted to know what it was like to have a cast
I found out 6 years ago
I fell down a mountain
I broke my leg
I got the cast
I had a lot of fun decorating it!
My leg got really fuzzy while in the cast
My husband is a teacher
He is from New York
I love soda pop!
I still have all my real teeth
I cant read without my Dr Dean Addels
I have hundreds of tiny little toy thingies
I want to learn how to make resin casts
I will put the tiny little toy thingies in the resin
One day, I want to live in India
I hope that my family will want to come with me
I like to dance
I took ten years of ballet
I can still do the splits
I can do that thingie on Snav's blog
I make an ass kicking blackberry pie
Every year, there are TONS of berries in the orchard
I have to get every one!
I have some gnarly scars from blackberry thorns
6 years ago was my best berry harvest ever because
I discovered that crutches are perfect for lifting the bramble without getting scratched
I dont really like shoes
I dont wear shoes in the house
I make my own shoes
I would break my leg again if I tried to wear heels
I have carpal tunnel in my right hand from sewing
I spend entirely too much time online
I like it though
I have friends all over the world because of trivia madness
I have met 6 of them in real life, most in India
Hopefully, I will meet my online friends in Greece, Seattle, and Pennsylvania some day
I do not have a green thumb
In school, I was always the last person picked for teams in PE
I still cannot do sports
So I dance
I have my own coloring book and crayons
I recently broke my car windshield by jamming a ladder into the car
I should be working right now

Ok you know what to do! It's Friday, so do it!

Stuff outa place #4

Well this is my desk.....and just about everything is out of place here.....seems like the rest of the family uses my desk to dump all their things. Notice product placement!

Stuff outa place #3


Item in wrong place #2

Well, it's better then finding gigantor mouse in the cat food dish isn't it? I warned you, Oaty drags everything into her food bowl.....(see previous post: Look What the Cat Dragged In)
Do those hair ties belong in the cat bowl? Depends who you ask!

Stuff Portrait Friday

I decided to stick with stuff that's lying around where it shouldn't be because, I never keep stuff thats broken, and, I never buy food that I don't, here comes stuff lying around in the wrong place, starting with, the bra on the kitchen table.....see, last night in wood shop (ar ar ar), I was learning how to turn wood on the lathe, and, as everyone knows, that wood flies all over the place, including down your shirt. Why did I wear a tanktop last night? Wasn't long before my bra was filled with redwood chips! Anyway, as my pal and lathe teacher, Annie shielded me from the watchful eyes of the rest of the class, I did the "pull the bra out through the sleeves trick", shook out the wood chips, and then stuffed the bra in my pocket. When I got home, I just tossed it on the kitchen table, while my husband looked on with a "what the hell is your bra doing in your pocket?" look. As you can see, my table is full of stuff that doesn't belong there, so, the bra fit right in!

Thursday, September 29, 2005


Hah! Bet you all thought I was going to post my bare feet!!! Happy HNT!!!!!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

One Womans Tale of Woe

This came from my cousin. I dont know if this happened to her, or what, but, Im sticking to shaving, thank you!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises ofeasy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair andnow...the wax.My night began as anyother normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. Ithen had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the nextfew hours: " Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax " kits.No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enoughto figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out.Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbingthem together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heatit to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!) I lay the strip acrossmy thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so itwasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hairremoval no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward bodyhair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip Imove north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom,for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties andplace one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the waxstrip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right halfof my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes,it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!I 'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MYGOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed topull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stayconscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back tonormal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that hascaused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want torevel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up thestrip!There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? SlowlyI ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive partof my body, whichis now covered in cold wax and matted hair.Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to dosomething. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming ofa cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walkaround the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself" Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off! " Whatcan I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll runthe hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse thewax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotterthan that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgicalequipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your netherregions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued tothe bottom of the scalding hot water. Which, by the way,doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub asthough I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the manwho had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in thebathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed beforeand has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very goodconversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to thebottom of the tub! "There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removalbut she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to knowexactly where the wax is located, " Are we talking cheeks or hole orwho-ha? " She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give herthe rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. Whilewe go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off witha razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies coveredin hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and thendry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working,dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to needPost-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is stilltalking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion theygive you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose atthis point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of myfriend.It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! " Iget a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. Isuccessfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to mygrief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Look What The Cat Dragged In

OK, I do have just one thing to say..what the hell is that thing? I mean, aren't mice supposed to be about 1 inch long?

Monday, September 26, 2005

I went into the 7-11 gas station the other day and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

After spending $300. on gas last month, for two small economy cars...I say bring on the gas jokes!!!

Thanks, Arrrriellla, for the new gas jokes!

Ariella said...
"Gas prices continue to rise. At the gas station near my house they have a slot for your credit card and one right next to it for your 401K." —Jay Leno

"President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas." —Jay Leno

"How many have seen 'March of the Penguins'?...You know why they're marching? They can't afford gas." --Jay Leno

Here are more:

"How many went to the beach this weekend? How many went to the mountains? How many just piled in the family car, sat in the driveway, and pretended you could actually afford gas to go somewhere?" --Jay Leno

"Gas is so expensive now, today I saw Jose Canseco and Barry Bonds carrying their cars." --Jay Leno

"The average price of gas is now $2.11 a gallon, and here in California, it’s $2.30 a gallon. Here in L.A., it is literally cheaper to buy a new car than to fill your gas tank. Literally. Oprah tried to give away a car to someone in her studio audience today, and the woman spit in her face." --Jimmy Kimmel


There once was a man from Bombay
Who just didnt know what to say
When the girl from next door
Caught her saree in the door
And unraveled her dress all the way!

...and I'm OK......

I'm a lumberjack
and I'm OK I sleep all night and I work all day.
He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea
He cut down trees, he eat his lunch He go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he go shopping and has buttered scones for tea.
He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.
He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars?!
He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear papa!
He cuts down trees, he wears high heels?!
Suspenders...and a bra?!
...He's a lumberjack and he's OK........

Ok, you get the picture....see, I have this stubborn willow tree growing right next to my yurt, (note in photo) fell down once, and grew back all spindly.....I dont like how some of the main trunks are leaning precariously toward Yurt I..(more on Yurt II later), I decided to chop them down. I have a saw that I bought over 20 years ago, and it's never been sharpened.....(note unclean cut on trunk photo) the lovely Joy and I decided we'd hack it down with that old saw and a ...whatdayacallit type saw that lumberjacks you've all seen that commerical where the guy saws down a giant tree and it falls on his car? Not going to happen here, folks!
Joy, who's got more muscles than any other woman I know, shimmies up into the tree and ties a rope to the trunk whos life we are after. Sawing and sawing and sawing.....Long story short, two sweaty women, one felled tree.....(see victim in photo above)
I'm supposed to be sewing....but hey, gotta protect the yurt! I'm buying a chainsaw!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

A Catty Moment

I was driving into town today when I saw a sign for "indian imports sale"...being an Indiaphile myself, I took the detour....there I found a young woman having a little garage sale featuring Indian hippie wear, jewelry and masks. We chatted about India, and she had been there 6 months, etc.
I have to admit, while chatting her up, pretending to be interested in her stuff, which of course you all know that I can get in India myself so why would I be nuts enough to pay 60 for a silk wrap skirt that probably cost her 40 rupees....($1.00)....I was actually just checking out the competition.
I told her about my thing...and that I make custom clothing out of Indian textiles and sarees. We talked about shipping, how outrageous it is....etc....then she asked me if I would do some sewing for her of some dress designs she has in mind. I said, "so, you have some textiles too? Can I see them?" She told me that she had two sarees...she also told me she was "flat broke".
Anyway, I told her that I really couldnt sew for her since I am her competition.
At that point, she got all huffy with me......and walked away. Hey, I was being really nice, and I thought we were enjoying talking about India and all that.......but you tell me, how could I work for a woman that is "flat broke", and only has two sarees to work with? Sheesh! Besides, she was half my age, and really cute, and got to go to India for six months when I can only go for three weeks at a time, so why would I want to help her? Meeyooowwwwww!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Isn't My Brother Lucky?

For my brother's 43rd birthday, he asked me for a new quilt, since the one I made him 16 years ago is pretty raggedy at this point. His birthday was March this is a bit belated! Happy Birthday, Broham!!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Double Arghhh!

Many Tiny, Painful Things now that we finally have our own bedroom after sharing for 9 years with our daughter, I am trying to clean her room and make it all pretty for her.....ok, I lied, I am trying to clear a pathway so I can walk through the room without causing severe lacerations or puncture wounds!
There is one wait! There are many, many, miniscule problems!!!

Here is a partial list:
75-100 tiny little glass stones, pretty but painful to step on
50 elastic hair bands of assorted colors and styles
30 strings of assorted beads, many of them sharp
200 tiny Barbie, and Bratz doll accesories, such as a one inch high phone and tiny doll shoes
50 stuffed animals that bite!
10 naked Barbies
6 footless Bratz dolls, all naked, two with coiffures styled and dyed with Koolaid by Hannah
2 dozen assorted markers, pencils and crayons
Wads of empty gum and candy wrappers
12 pushpins, lying points up

Ok you get the picture, I estimate there are approximately 500,000 items smaller than a crouton in that room......HELP!!!!!! Where did she get all that stuff? And, even more important, what am I going to do with it all? (See above photos for sample of miniature hell!)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Oaty's the boss of my desk!

Blog Abandoned!

I've been accused of neglecting my blog! Well, after seeing my friend's blogs, I think mine has been appropriately abandoned! So, let me ask you, what is it you wanna see? Here's a list of my new things:

New Yurt, the spaceship II has landed
New kitty, the other one died!
New woodshop projects?
New bra? (just kidding)
My website that I've had for two years, with about 25 hits!! acckkk!!
(That's easy) (and no, you can't buy anything offa my site, it's just for showoffs! Email me if you want custom made stuff!)

Obviously my blog is like my mind, and my life, aimless and wandering, void of wit and humor like those blogs of my colleagues.....