Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Understanding Women
Unless you are battling a case of terminal stupidity, you know that you need this book. Beginning with how to be sure this is really a woman, this book tells it all. Learn sure-fire ways to get a good woman every time, find out what they are thinking, and solve every one of their confusing mysteries.
This is a must read for anyone who ever expects to come into contact with a member of the fairer sex. Women may want to read it too just to find out why the guys are getting so smug.

Sometimes my dad actually sends me something useful by email......


WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

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MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits! a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
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WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS
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THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've given up understanding women. I just go with the flow. I laughed out loud at these and spat coffee on my keyboard, bad susie...bad, bad susie :)

jillie said...

Those are good. I like the one on the milk carton :o)

Amber said...

That book should be standard issue to all men upon puberty. They need to start learning from the start.

Anonymous said...

Veyr funny stuff. I think I need that book.

Anonymous said...

Heh.. Silent treatment.. LOL!

Logophile said...

tee hee hee
You so funny

RennyBA said...

I just neeeeed that book as I still sourcing for The daWoman (or was it daVinci?) code!
I liked all the stories, but most of all the last one. I have the same problem, as I often use my mobile phone as an alarm clock, but sometimes set it in silence mode. But then again, I’m a man and haven’t red the book yet

Anonymous said...

Well, I definitely don't need the book. Go on... ask me anything you like...

:-)